Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize