I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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