My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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