"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
