Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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