I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
