So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
