you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
