No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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