My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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