the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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