Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i wish my penis had a tongue
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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