Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
