Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
