I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
