just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just found puke in my bra..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
