my phone needs a breathalizer
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize