Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
