pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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