When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
