I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
