I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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