my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
