I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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