Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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