Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize