New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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