please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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