This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
