WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
