I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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