ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
