I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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