I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
