can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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