I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
