I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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