True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
