You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
