They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
