really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
