how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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