have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
