So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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