Ambien. No doubt about it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
