Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
