When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
