Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
