And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
