did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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