It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
