How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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