I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
