Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
