Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
