i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
