Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"