you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
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Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants