Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
