i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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