I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.