She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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