so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this will be a night to untag.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
