I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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