i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
